everyday is such a struggle. i hate everything. it’s impossible for me to be happy.

please. i need to find someone who is willing to throw away everything and runaway with me. i’m so serious. i need to get away.

it’s like, i’ve been trying so hard this year. i only missed one day of school. last year, around this time, i missed a lot of school (because i felt bad all the time and never had motivation to go), and got notes sent home saying that i was going to fail some of my classes if i missed a couple more days.

but it’s different now, i try so hard to go to school and to concentrate and be happy. and everything is just bad.

i dont want to leave my room. but now i HAVE to go to school because if i miss math, i’ll probably fail at life. um, chemistry is hard as fuck. i don’t even know how i’m passing that class with a B. and drama is the only class i look forward to. and us history is so fucking boring that if i wasn’t half asleep in that class, i’d probably go insane.

and im tired. i dont sleep. and school is why. i swear, the only reason why i go to school is because i don’t want to be a disappointment to my parents and family. 

i hate everything. im miserable. and if i tell anyone that then they’ll probably try to admit me, like what they tried to do last week. it’s like, i can’t even speak my mind without feeling like they’re going to send me away to some hospital.

i just want to be normal and not have to worry and stress. i want to be able to tell the truth to my friends, family, and doctors. i want to be happy, is that to much to ask for?

i feel like im progressing. i’m happy but at the same time i’m still scared.

i’ve been happy for a couple of weeks now but i’m scared that all i’m going to be in life is someone that is dependent on others. i hate feeling like i have to depend on others, let alone depend on having others so they can bring me happiness. 

i’ve been so busy lately. i have school, then play rehearsal, then therapy and i usually dont get home until 8 or 9 ish. and when i don’t have therapy, i get home around 6 ish and i’m usually asleep, or at a friends house. 

it felt so good to not go to school on thursday and friday, to finally have a break and chill out. i had shmanders with me, so i def wasn’t lonely. i’ve been fine. of course i’m not cured or anything, but i feel like as long as i’m busy and i have people around me 24/7, i’m okay.

as sucky as it may be, to have to rely on people to assure happiness, if it’s what’s going to help me, then i’m okay with it.

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my rich Aunt wants to fly me out to Arizona for Thanksgiving ;o

I want to go but i get homesick really easy, so i’m afraid. also, i don’t want my mom to be alone :(

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i bought acid lol

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 ^ ya i’m stupid, oh wellsz.

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like an hour ago my friends and i were inhaling helium and omfg. it was the funniest expierinece of my life, i almost peed i

the play is coming soon and i’m scared that i’m going to forget my lines like i always do or i’m going to start vomiting again, someone save me ene emememememe.

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my doctor and my psychologist both recommended that i should see a psychiatrist but i’m scared. i don’t want to and i dont want to and i cant and i dont want to because i cant and its not fair. why cant things be normal.